The Introduction of Smartphones & Social Media Doesn't Need to be 'All or Nothing'

Consider a graded introduction. Here are some ideas...

I talk a lot about delaying smartphones and social media. I think for many families it makes good sense to delay as long as we can, given the addictive nature of the platforms and the harmful content being pushed at kids. We should fill their time and sense of purpose with as much and as long as we can IRL, and that’s actually a lot easier to do when it’s done collectively. In this post I talk about why it may be worthwhile waiting until your child is through puberty from a cognitive development standpoint. With the virtual world doing everything it can to suck us in, I think some healthy pushback is worthwhile.

With all that being said, I also acknowledge that every family and child is different, and there is always nuance. You may have a child who, at age 13, is very responsible and compliant with screentime boundaries, perhaps quite resistant to peer pressure. Or maybe your child’s best friend moved to a different country and they’re missing them dearly. Maybe your kid is the last of their peer group to have Snapchat and they’re feeling excluded.

There is no ‘golden age’ of readiness for social media. And not every parent is going to wait until their child is in their later teenage years. I understand that, and I get it (although I really think the social media companies lose their power when collective action is taken- but that’s a post for another time).

My point for today’s post is this- if you’re thinking about giving your child access to social media, consider a graded approach. Understand that allowing access does not necessarily mean they need their own personal smartphone that they now have access to whenever they want it.

Here are a few ideas that may serve as a ‘middle ground’ for those kids that show signs of being ready, but you don’t want them to have their own device quite yet

Consider a family phone. Some families have a device labelled the ‘family phone’ that is available at certain times of day for contacting parents, friends etc, but is fully managed and monitored by mom and/or dad. It’s not to be carried around with the child to and from school, but rather stays in a common area of the home.

Consider a dumb phone or kid-safe watch or kid safe(r) phone. This will work well for allowing your child to text you and others you approve of. It will allow you to know their location in some cases. And some of these devices have other capabilities like maps, banking apps etc that may be helpful for functionality.

Consider one app at a time. Talk to your child about which app they want the most, why, and how it will help them. Talk about the potential pitfalls of that app and what to watch out for. See how they do with it. Are they able to pull themselves off? Are they compliant with time limits? Are they still keen to do ‘real-life’ stuff? And how easy is it for you to manage this one app? Can you navigate the parental controls and potential loopholes?

Consider the computer. A family computer, that has a designated place in a common area of the house, can be a good way to start a child’s access to social media. Most apps are accessible on a computer. You can allow them time when you’re around, so you can keep an eye on who they’re talking to and the content they’re seeing before allowing more free access.

Consuming Content Before Creating Content. It’s easy for adolescents to quickly get sucked into the external validation they receive from posting content online. I think it takes quite a bit of maturity to post responsibly and be able to handle the pressure that comes from that. Depending on your child and their unique vulnerabilities, you may want to hold off on allowing them to post.

No matter how you slice it, navigating all of this is hard (and I don’t have kids asking for phones yet so I can’t even truly relate!). Knowing your kid, and your family values will help immensely. Taking the time just to think about the options may be half the battle.