If I Limit My Child's Screentime, Will it Make Them Crave it More?
I posted recently about how, if your child is constantly complaining about being ‘bored’ anytime they aren’t in front of a screen, it may be an early warning sign that trouble is coming, and finding ways to limit screentime may be in everyone’s best interest.
A mom messaged me, explaining that this has been top of mind for her recently, because her daughter wakes every morning asking for a show, and goes to bed asking whether she will get to watch a show when she wakes up. She noted that her daughter’s behaviour was much better when they limited screentime to weekends only, but she worried it was actually increasing her cravings.
This is a common question, and something I hear parents worry about in older kids with social media and video games as well. I’m going to try to break it down for you from a neuroscience perspective.
Cravings are common, and include sugar, screens, sex, drugs etc. When you have one candy, it can be hard not to eat the whole bag. When you start scrolling, it can be difficult to put your phone down or enjoy other activities during the day. Cravings aren’t necessarily good or bad, but paying attention to them and how they affect behaviour is important. So what’s happening inside the brain?
When a child watches a show, plays a game on the iPad, or scrolls social media, there is a surge of dopamine. Dopamine has classically been dubbed a ‘pleasure molecule.’ But what scientists are learning is that dopamine is actually more intimately tied to drive and motivation. It tells our brain, “Hey, pay attention, this is important!” So the first thing to know is that screens increase dopamine, but this doesn’t necessarily mean they increase pleasure.
After a screen is taken away (or even stopped voluntarily), there is a compensatory drop in dopamine levels in the brain. This drop is perceived as unpleasant or painful, and it causes a craving. This motivates the child to repeat the behaviour in order to reduce that unpleasant feeling.
So, will withholding screens intensify your child’s cravings over time? In fact, no. In the short term this may be the case, because when a screen is removed the cravings will be the strongest. But in terms of addiction science, constantly giving in to cravings actually intensifies the cravings over time, leading to addictive behaviour. In essence, your brain becomes more sensitive to the dopamine hits, even if the activity isn’t pleasurable. If you are keen on the neuroscience behind this, this article breaks it down well.
Here are my tips for parents:
Wait them out in the short term. Especially in younger kids, when their self-regulation skills are still developing, expect that turning off the screen will lead to some type of short term reaction. Within a few minutes, the most extreme reaction typically subsides.
Focus on “sweet spot” activities. Meaning, find activities that your child enjoys, that actually lead to improved mood or behaviour afterwards. This will vary from child to child. For my son, it’s LEGO, colouring, puzzles and playing outside. These activites cause a ‘not too much, not too little’ amount of dopamine to be released, and therefore his reaction to the activity ending is typically not extreme.
Don’t give in to guilt. Remember, a surge of dopamine does not necessarily equate to pleasure. In fact, if we constantly give in to our kids’ cravings and pleas for more screentime, this can actually lead them to dislike what they’re begging for. (Think drug addicts- they can’t stop using, but they are certainly not happy).
Stay consistent. Make screentime routine and predictable. This is helpful for all families, but will be even more important for some kids (for example, kids with ADHD or autism). When screens aren’t in use, keep them out of sight if possible (ie tablets, video game consoles), which will further reduce cravings.
Consider the age. My kids, 6 and 3, both don’t watch screens from Monday to Friday. My 6-year old hardly ever asks, because he’s old enough to understand the boundary and has given up trying. My 3-year old, on the other hand, asks every day, multiple times a day. She doesn’t understand time, or what it means to have to wait until the weekend. Age and developmental stage makes a big difference.
I hope you found this helpful! Please feel free to share with a friend or relative who may benefit from reading. :)
This is so helpful.